Dogs. Fab, aren’t they? They’re the very definition of selfless devotion.
With scant reward apart from the odd pat and the occasional snausage (that’s a treat, not a typo), these faithful friends give and give.
The trouble is, sometimes they give too much. Whether you have a dog whose toilet training’s not perfect, or you have an elderly dog whose creaky legs didn’t get them to the facilities in time, or you have a dog that’s eaten something it shouldn’t and is paying the price with a really revolting rear end, you won’t be welcoming the resulting mess.
Dealing with the outdoor results of doggy digestion is something dog owners get used to doing very quickly.
It’s a very different thing when it’s all happened indoors, on your carpet. Thankfully, there are techniques you can use, so, when the sh*% hits the lovely carpet you’ve got in your living room, you can deal with the doo doo.
We’ve laid an approach out in an easy-to-follow set of steps. We’ll then finish with a few alternatives. Right, let’s do this thing.
1. Don’t Hang About
Dog poop – in fact, poop in general – has some very effective pigments within. This is why it’s been used to make indelible daubs from the time of cave dwellers to Pablo Picasso.
No, it’s not likely to feature in the next Winsor and Newton collection, but it is a very striking and distinctive collection of browns that one’s bottom is capable of giving forth.
What’s the colour from? A few different things, but mainly bile. Perhaps it’s time for a handy rhyme to demonstrate the pressing need to act quickly when you’re dealing with a stinker of a carpet situation:
If you’ve got a load of bile in your pile
It’ll worsen by a mile if you wait a while
– Attributed to Alexander Poop
It’s important to act quickly to avoid the stain setting in.
2. Glove Up
It probably won’t surprise you to read that dog poop can carry a pretty noxious cocktail of unpleasant ingredients that you won’t want getting under your fingernails and therefrom who knows where.
It’s important to wear gloves and prevent the dog poop getting anywhere near your skin.
What kind of thing can dog poop cause? Toxocariasis is the big hitter, the one most people have heard of. No, it’s not common, but boy it can cause some unpleasant consequences.
In the worst cases, people can suffer from breathing difficulties and problems with vision (which may include the aptly named floaters).
Other unwelcome effects on your system might include campylobacteriosis, E.coli and salmonella. You really don’t want any of these, so get those gloves on before you get busy with the business.
2. Wipe Off
Get a baby wipe and try to scrape off the bits that will come off readily.
Don’t spend too long on this section. You’re not trying to render your carpet a vision of poopless perfection. You’re just getting the excess solids out of the picture before they do any more damage.
Follow up with a paper towel. Things should start to look a little better now.
3. Mix Up the Magic
Create a cleaning solution by mixing the following:
- 1 tablespoon of white vinegar
- 1 tablespoon of washing-up liquid (note – make sure it doesn’t include bleach)
- 2 cups (450 ml) of cool water
Get that stuff mixed and then get ready to apply. Assume the position. Not that position.
4. Pour and Pad
Get some of the mixture on the pooped-up patch and then let it stay there for 10 minutes. Then get some kitchen towel and blot that brown away.
You may need to repeat the process until the deposit is deposed. Here’s the thing though. Don’t be tempted to wipe or apply any elbow grease.
Perhaps we can once again turn to the poetry greats for some advice, set out in timeless verse.
Upon being faced with poopy grot
Be not a rubber! Nay – ye blot!
– Attributed to Percy Smelly
5. Rinse
So, the stain’s all but seen off, and now’s the time to apply some water, just to remove the mixture and return the carpet to its pre-poop pristine profile.
Don’t go mad. You don’t need to drench. It’s a good idea to apply using a spray bottle. Then go over with a piece of kitchen towel, so that you’re left with just a damp patch.
6. Bring Out the Bicarb
Get some bicarbonate of soda on that pooch patch to clear up any remaining odours. When it comes to stinks, bicarb gets the job done. Once the job’s been done.
7. Suck It Up
No, not with a straw, silly. Get your vacuum cleaner out and get that bicarb powder cleaned away.
Ta-da! Poop stain? What poop stain?
Method Number 2 (and 3 and 4)
Lemon juice
Let that pith power hit the poop and you’ll have a zesty result. Squeeze the lemon juice on, leave for 15-30 minutes, then rinse and dry.
Vodka
That’s the spirit! Vodka has the measure of it. Apply and leave on for 10-15 minutes, before blotting off. Just make sure you don’t use flavoured vodka as it may stain.
Oxygen bleach
You can use oxygen bleach, but be sure to follow the instructions on the packet.
Of Mutts and Mats
Whichever of these approaches you opt for, you should manage not to get too browned-off. The stain will be gone, flushed from existence.
You and your dog can then move forward in life, unencumbered by unpleasantness and bailed from befoulment, ready to take the next steps together in lives fabulously free of fetidity. Until the next time.
Oh, I think we have one last observation from another of the greats.
But, lo, where stains gave forth the stench of poops
There now reigns freshness and joyous whoops
– Attributed to William Turdsworth
Martin’s life revolves around films, dogs and food, but rarely all at the same time. At least two out of these three like to give clothes and furniture a hard time, and Martin enjoys discovering and writing about new ways to stop them doing their worst.
